What If?
by Violet-The-Bat
Summary: A very sad oneshot. What if Manolo really did finish the bull at first bullfight? How would that seal his fate? After all, it was just an animal...right? (WARNING! VERY SAD ENDING)


What's the point in trying anymore? Nobody's satisfied with me being myself. Honestly, neither am I. My Papa, Mi Abuela, and everyone else in San Angel is the same way. Well, no turning back now. Today will be my first bullfight.

Maria and Joaquin's even here to see me. (Not to mention the entire town)

I walked down the hall, feeling very unsure of the decision being pressured upon me. Before my shoes even reached the sunlight that flooded the entrance to the arena, I heard a voice.

"Hey! Manolo!"

I looked up from the ground and my thoughts to see a silhouette with glittering spots all over the front. I knew then that it was Joaquin when he said those famous words He, Maria and myself always used when we were kids.

"No retreat" He said

I smirked at his smug face.

"No surrender" I finished.

Quickly running to my pal, I gave him a quick hug.

"The hero of San Angel returns!" I said

"You didn't think I was gonna miss your bullfight?"

After talking about who was going to win Maria's heart, I felt total insecurity. Joaquin was so confident, and I was pretty much a coward when put on a 'ladies' man scale'

While the Mariachi Brothers played my entrance music I draped the Matador's Cape over my shoulder and walked into the arena where I felt over 2,000 eyes around me. I kept my brave face on and tried to impress Maria.

"I'd like to dedicate this corrida to Miss Maria Posada" I said.

She growled in annoyance.

Well that didn't work.

"W-welcome back, Senorita" I nervously said.

All of a sudden, I saw the bull come bursting out of the door. I wasn't afraid. Over and over again, I dodged and fought with style. And the more I relaxed, the more simple it became to impress Maria.

Everytime I smiled or held up a rose to her, I could see her smile right back through that fan she held over her face.

I began to hear everyone chanting my name over and over again. And I took it in modestly. My satisfaction faded when it came time to end the bull.

I walked to the sidelines where my grandma and papa were waiting. He handed the swords to me and I sadly looked up at him with eyes begging him to put the weapons away.

"C'mon mijo, for me, for your family, prove your a Sanchez."

He pushed them closer, and I reluctantly took them. As I turned back to where everybody could see my face, I changed my look from worried, to fierce. I positioned the swords, and stood there frozen.

A million thoughts raced through my mind. Should I kill the bull? Is my family's approval worth it? Must I sell out for a green card to easy street? It was settled, this animal was going down.

I looked at my sword one more time, and saw Maria's face reflecting off the surface. She looked so disappointed. This wasn't about her anymore, this was about me finally finding peace in my life.

I ran, and the bull came at me. From a distance it looked like we merely crossed paths; only once I skidded to a halt, and turned to see the bull still standing, in a matter of 5 seconds, he collapsed to the ground and a flood of scarlet liquid began to stream towards my shoes.

Then, I woke up. My head rattled for a minute, and I saw the bull's body lying like an empty shell. What just happened? Did I-just kill the bull?

All I remember was looking at Maria's face; I must've gone into some sort of mental sleep. Snapping out of it, I looked at the swords and saw that they were dripping in blood.

It felt like everything around me was in slow motion. I blinked, and then I heard it.

"Manolo! Manolo! Manolo!" I saw everyone going crazy.

I looked over to Papa and Abuela. They were smiling.

I looked up at the VIP booth and saw Maria's face was being completely masked by the fan she had brought to represent modesty. Now all it represented was that I am nothing except a memory to her now.

She stood and politely walked out, keeping her face covered. I felt my stomach shrivel up as I watched her curly ponytail sway in a pendulum like fashion, and she was gone.

Not before long, the arena cleared, and the extra matadors dragged the bull's body out. I breathed out, feeling remorse. I started to walk out to find Maria, but I felt a hand on my shoulder stop me.

I looked and saw Papa. He was smiling. And so was Grandma in her wheelchair as she rarely looked up from her knitting.

"Excellent." he told me. "Here," he said, "Sip some of this." I accepted the cup of water he handed me and felt my hand uncontrollably shaking.

"Are you alright, Son?"

"Y-yeah, I'll be okay."

"Ah, you must be worn out from all that suspense, pressure, having everyone stare and of course, watching that bull fall once your sword thrusted into his heart."

"_Not helping."_ I thought.

I nearly was about to tell him about Maria, but then I thought about all those ailments he mentioned, and then my stomach shriveled again. I felt heat in my throat, and before any words came out, I quickly handed him the water and backed up a yard or two, and found myself vomiting.

The force of my instant sickness left me leaning on my knees, trying to get some air back into my lungs.

I heard Grandma wheeling closer, and talking to papa.

"What was in that water, son?"

"Nothing, it was totally purified." He said, as he confusedly tried to look closer at the liquid he'd given me.

I saw him walking towards me. I couldn't even speak once he took my arm and pulled it over his shoulders so I could lean on him. We exited the arena and tried to gently push through the mob of people waiting outside for my autograph.

A few hours of resting on the couch, and sipping some Chamomile tea, my stomach settled and so did my nerves. Papa was so proud of my finishing that animal, he wouldn't let me move a muscle. Once he heard I was done with my tea, he brought me a strange object that looked like a flattened out jellyfish.

"Here you go, Son."

"What...is that?"

"It's a sleep mask."

"Sleep mask? Augh, Papa, I'm not tired, I just got a little sick."

"I know, I just want the hero of the Sanchez family to rest well for his next fight in a few days."

"Why does it look so odd?"

"It's a mask that's packed with gel to relax and cool down the eye muscles."

I took it from him and settled down. I'll admit the mask felt good on my eyes. I guess I'll think of a better way to apologize to Maria after a nap.

A few hours later, I woke to a gentle hand shaking me.

"Manolo?" It was Papa.

I removed the mask from my eyes, still trying to open them, I heard some good news.

"Sorry to wake you, Son; General Posada is throwing a party in celebrating Maria's return. And you are a VIP guest."

"What?"

"You're a VIP!"

I'll get to see Maria.

Me, Papa, and Grandma were at the party by 5:30. I was seated next to Maria at the VIP table. Joaquin was there too. I felt like royalty; eating dinner with the general and his soldiers?

Being noticed felt good.

Throughout my childhood, the general never really liked me as much as he found favor in Joaquin. He wanted Maria to marry the best military hero in San Angel because if Joaquin married, it would station him here, therefore he'd be the hero to stay and protect everyone.

But now, I he acknowledged me.

"I must say, Manolo, you've become a wonderful bullfighter, and the way you finished that bull! Wasn't he impressive, Maria?"

I looked over at her taking a bite of her vegetables one by one. She looked very upset, and didn't answer. The general spoke again.

"I said, wasn't he impressive, Maria?"

She sat up straight like a posh English woman, and looked at me with hate, and spoke with insincerity.

"You were a very impressive fighter, Manolo." she answered.

"Thank you."

The quiet remained in between me and her, until we finished the vegetables and dessert was brought out. I tried to start a conversation.

"Delicious cake, isn't it Maria?"

"I made it myself."

"Wow, you did a wonderful job."

"Thank you, Mr. Sanchez." she answered to me.

Mr Sanchez? She's never been so upset with me; I was getting impatient with her attitude. It was just an animal! If you want my opinion, she's totally overreacting. Only, I want everything to be okay between us. I love her.

I placed my plate of coconut cake down, and tried to speak with her again.

"Uh, I need to speak with you." I said.

I reached my hand out to her. She looked at her father as if she were asking him if she really had to go. He nodded and she once again gave her own style of the cold shoulder.

"If you insist."

She took my hand and we walked out to the front porch. We stood there in an awkward silence for a few minutes. Once again, I had to start up the conversation because she remained very angry with me.

"Beautiful weather this evening, huh?"

"It's nice."

"I was very excited to see you again."

"I was too."

I felt hurt when she emphasized the word was. Then again, why should I care what she says? She wasn't there whenever I was yelled at by my family for being myself, she wasn't in my head when the entire town was watching me fight, she doesn't get it!

"Your very beautiful."

"Thank you. You're very handsome."

She continued to keep her eyes off me.

That's it.

"Maria, why are you hating me?"

"You know why!"

"Oh, come on! It was just a bull!"

"You know I love animals! You're not the same Manolo I grew up with."

"What are you talking about?" 

"Remember the day we freed all those animals? Remember why? You were at my side the very second I said they needed to be free, and now you kill a bull for some fame?"

"You are so not worth it." I responded.

"What?"

"I always loved you Maria; yes, I killed the bull for fame, and also for the approval of my family. And you know what? I don't need you."

She looked hurt, but still kept a soldier face.

"Nor I, you, Manolo; and you know what? I'm going to accept Joaquin's proposal. He may think women are only worthy of keeping the house clean, but at least he's a better man than you!"

She slapped me across the face, and I refrained incredibly to keep from smacking her back.

"I'm out of here. Why would I need you? With all my newfound fame, I've got plenty of girls who'll want me; your worthless!"

She blinked, and that's when I saw the tears slipping down her cheeks like ghostly streams. What hurt the most was seeing the tears, while she remained stone-faced.

"And you're dead to me." She quietly answered. "Your pride will be the death of you Manolo Sanchez."

I stormed off the stairs and didn't look back.

Time went on, and as I became older, my fame rose. The women that came to my shows either fainted or ripped off a piece of my sleeve before I could autograph their posters of me in my matador's outfit.

Little kids sometimes came up to me and told me about how they wanted to be just like me. Why blame them? I am incredible.

A few days ago, I turned 63. Today was my last fight.

Even though Joaquin and Maria hated me, they still wanted to see my final show. It went on like usual, I impressed the crowd, and then the time came to finish the bull.

I made a terrible mistake.

I got too sure of myself, and before I knew it. I felt the bull's horns run right through me. I fell to the ground and watched the vision blur.

Then Maria's words echoed to me.

"_Your pride will be the death of you Manolo Sanchez."_

I could see Maria and Joaquin watching from the VIP box, and their faces were terrified.

I landed on the dust and saw the people running to me. My injury was too much; then her words echoed again.

"_You're dead to me."_

I looked up at her one more time.

"I'm so sorry Maria; don't forget me."

The arena around me vanished, and when I opened my eyes, I saw nothing except snow, and dark skeletons that glowed green. A few of them turned to ash every few minutes.

"Aye aye aye" they groaned.

I looked at my hand. It was dark.

Then before I knew it, my ashen body started to disintegrate.

"If only I chose to be myself."

THE END


End file.
